Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
