Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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