The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
