You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
