Apparently you make a good broom.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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