put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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