well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
