I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
