We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
