If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
