he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His nipple licking is glorious
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