For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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