I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
