don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
