i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
