Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
