oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
