he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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