i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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