Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
