so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
