Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
