i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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