Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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