How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
