be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
