I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
