So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
