It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
