I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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