Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He better not be in your backpack
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My ass is underappreciated
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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