I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
