dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
