Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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