I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im holly from the hills drunk
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
