I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
