Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
