I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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