Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
