weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
