bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
