Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
