Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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