I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
