please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
