Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
