oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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