why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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