my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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