i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
