Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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