There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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