What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
