he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
