I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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