What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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