Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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