Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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