is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
