He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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