all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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