Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
