i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
