if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
