You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
