and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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