No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
a search helicopter?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
