My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
A+ Viking dick
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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