Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
