Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
