We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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