Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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