I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
