I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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