the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
