Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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