I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
