he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
