I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
