plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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