I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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