it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
